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The Ten Commandments tell us to “honor thy mother and father”, but what does that really look like? Especially for adult children?

Parents are not perfect, and sometimes they make mistakes that leave us and others wounded. So when God tells us to honor them, what does he mean by that? There’s a certain respect that all are owed simply by their personhood, and then there’s a respect that someone deserves because of their role or position. But what if our parents are dishonorable people? Does this commandment change once we’re adults out of their direct care?

Today, Father Mike explains how we can love difficult parents.

For my first attempt at Eucharistic adoration, I was late.

I had signed up online for adoration at our church’s chapel. I chose a slot at 2 p.m. on a Friday. That morning, I saw a reminder on my paper desk calendar, and then promptly forgot about it. Until about 5:45. Oops. I went online and a 6 p.m. slot was still open. I raced over to church, and got there at 6:10. As I hurried across the parking lot, I realized that even though I had been a parishioner for about eight years, I had never actually been in the chapel. I wasn’t even 100 percent sure where it was. But I guessed right, and walked into the small, simple room to find several other people sitting or kneeling before the host encased in a gold monstrance on the little altar. It was a reminder that I didn’t have to be totally certain about something to be right about it in the end. It was also reassuring to know that even if I lag behind, there are other pilgrims with me on the journey.

For I was late to adoration in another sense. I had spent my first forty-some years in traditions where the Real Presence was never a major topic. The most helpful insight I heard then was that the Eucharist is a holy mystery. And this is true as far as it goes. However, about three decades ago, I entered the Catholic Church, and I began to see that we benefit from trying to understand holy mysteries, even if our progress is slow. For instance, this winter my wife and I read Bishop Robert Barron’s booklet on the Eucharist, “This Is My Body,” aloud to each other, and we learned a lot. Still, this mystery is deep enough that more than reading is required. I thought enduring an hour of adoration might help.

I dreaded it, however, because I thought sitting in silence would drive me nuts. The first thing I learned in the chapel, though, was that the silence was comfortable. I didn’t feel the need to do anything. I had brought a spiritual book to turn to if overcome by tedium, but I didn’t look at it. I felt in tune with just … being there. I suspect that, as an occasional writer, I felt relieved from the tumult of “words, words, words.”

The monstrance was lovely, yet at the same time it highlighted the host’s plainness, and thus its power. Yes, the wafer is the most ordinary thing in the world; that is precisely why it is so extraordinary. That the Almighty becomes the substance of the wafer is the pledge that he is part of everything, in some way, even if we don’t see or understand how. 

Historically, the word “rule” (regula) didn’t mean a set of laws to obey, but rather a guide for growing toward the good — like a trellis supporting a vine.

Most of us, it seems, are not called to the cloister. We have dishes to wash, meetings to attend, children to raise, aging parents to care for. And yet, many people — religious or not — find themselves longing for something monasteries seem to hold: rhythm, meaning, peace. The good news is you don’t need to be a monk to draw wisdom from monastic life. A rule of life can anchor anyone who seeks to live with intention.

Historically, the word “rule” (regula) didn’t mean a set of laws to obey, but rather a guide for growing toward the good — like a trellis supporting a vine.

Monastic rules, like that of St. Benedict, weren’t designed to stifle life but to shape it. They balanced prayer, work, community, and rest into a daily pattern that could be lived out faithfully for decades, even in times of uncertainty or suffering.

And while those in monastic communities take formal vows, each of us is called to discern how we uniquely live out our own vocation — whether that’s through marriage, single life, consecrated life, or something still unfolding. Developing a somewhat personal rule of life can help us discover not just how to live, but how to live well, in a way that aligns with our deepest identity and gifts.

Clarity

In other words: You don’t need to live in a monastery to live with clarity. You don’t need to chant the Psalms at dawn to seek holiness. But you do need some rhythm — a way of life that keeps you grounded when distractions multiply or fatigue sets in. A rule of life helps you say yes to what matters and no to what doesn’t, not just in emergencies, but every day.

St. Benedict’s motto, ora et labora — pray and work — speaks to this. His Rule didn’t separate the sacred from the ordinary. Tending the garden, cooking the meals, caring for guests: it was all part of the same life of prayer. For us, too, our work, rest, and relationships can all be shaped by grace, if we approach them intentionally.

Some people imagine a rule of life must be elaborate or intensely spiritual. In truth, it can be rather simple–or begin with adopting some regular habits. Over time, these rhythms become formational. They reveal our unique spiritual temperament and charisms—what gives us life and how we are called to give life to others.

Euthanasia has moved beyond targeting baby boomers and now poses risks to their children’s generation, says Alex Schadenberg, executive director of the Euthanasia Prevention Coalition.

Schadenberg delivered a keynote address for the Euthanasia Prevention Coalition and Euthanasia Resistance BC  on May 26 at the Sheraton Vancouver Wall Centre.

Although legally termed Medical Assistance in Dying (MAiD) after being legalized in Canada in 2016, Schadenberg said MAiD is actually a soft word for homicide.

In 2023, Canada reported 15,343 deaths by euthanasia, up from 13,241 in 2022 and 4,493 in 2018. Schadenberg predicts the 2024 totals will hit be over 16,000.

Those are just the official numbers. The actual number of euthanasia deaths is likely much higher since underlying medical conditions are often listed as the cause of death for those who undergo MAiD rather than the euthanasia procedure itself.

A report by the Ontario Chief Coroner evaluated euthanasia deaths from 2018 to 2023 and found that requests were driven by homelessness, fear, and isolation. Schadenberg said that indicates Canadians with disabilities are needlessly dying by euthanasia.

The Ontario report also found at least 428 non-compliant euthanasia deaths in the province.

In 2021, the federal law was expanded by removing the terminal illness requirement and the 10-day waiting period. There are now two tracks for accessing MAiD: one for the terminally ill with no waiting period, and another for non-terminal cases, which requires a 90-day waiting period. Both tracks require individuals to have an “irremediable medical condition.”

The Canadian government had been moving toward permitting euthanasia solely for mental illness but delayed the expansion until 2027 after opposition from the medical and disability communities.

Psychiatrist Dr. K. Sonu Gaind of the University of Toronto has argued that predicting whether a mental illness is irremediable is impossible since mental suffering is subjective. In an article he co-authored earlier this year, he wrote, “Research shows that assessors attempting to determine whether a mental illness is irremediable would be wrong more than half the time.”

Awareness of those limitations may help explain the delay in allowing MAiD access for mature minors and those with mental illness in a country that is already so permissive when it comes to euthanasia. Schadenberg attributes the pause on MAiD expansion to a wave of media attention reporting controversial cases that emerged after the second expansion of the law.

Take Amir Farsoud, an Ontario man whose doctor suggested MAiD when Farsoud feared becoming homeless. Farsoud made it clear to his doctor that he did not want to die – he simply could not live without financial support.

In another case, a 23-year-old man in Quebec was approved for euthanasia solely due to diabetes, a serious but manageable condition.

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The Euthanasia Prevention Coalition and the Delta Hospice Society are calling for a comprehensive review of Canada’s medical assistance in dying (MAiD) legislation, citing increasing cases of coercion, confusion with palliative care, and a lack of protections for those who want nothing to do with the practice.

Speaking at a joint press conference on May 7, EPC executive director Alex Schadenberg said that although MAiD has expanded rapidly since its introduction, a full review of the law has never taken place.

“We are calling on the federal and provincial governments to provide a complete review of Canada’s medical assistance in dying law. The reason is simple: it’s never been done,” said Schadenberg.

The coalition fears the increasing integration of MAiD into Canadian health care is eroding trust in hospices and hospitals, especially for vulnerable populations. Both organizations say MAiD is incompatible with traditional palliative care, which aims to neither hasten nor postpone death.

“We support the World Health Organization’s definition of palliative care, which intends neither to hasten nor to postpone death,” Schadenberg said.

Canada’s MAiD law was expanded in March 2021 through Bill C-7, which removed the requirement that a patient’s death be reasonably foreseeable, eliminated the 10-day reflection period for those deemed terminally ill, and introduced a two-tiered system where non-terminal patients must wait 90 days, while the waiting period for terminally ill patients was removed.

The petition comes in the wake of increasing international scrutiny of Canada’s MAiD programs and laws. On March 21, 2025, the United Nations Committee on the Rights of Persons with Disabilities urged Canada to repeal the provision allowing MAiD for those who are not terminally ill (known as “Track 2”). The committee also rejected proposals to expand MAiD access to mature minors, to allow advance directives for euthanasia, and to include mental illness as the sole underlying condition.

Schadenberg emphasized that a genuine review of MAiD must include all perspectives and take into account the personal stories that have emerged.

“I’m not saying [the review] should be focused on limiting the law or not,” he said. “Let the stories come out, and let people see without judgment how this law is working—and how it needs to change.”

He pointed to findings from Ontario’s Office of the Chief Coroner, which reported that poverty, homelessness, fear, and isolation were driving some people to request MAiD. Between 2018 and 2023, the province recorded 428 MAiD deaths that did not comply with legal safeguards.

“These 428 non-compliant deaths prove that the Carter decision [on which the legalization of assisted dying was based] is not being followed. There is no scrupulosity,” said Schadenberg. “This needs further investigation.”

Angela Ireland, president of the Delta Hospice Society, echoed the call for MAiD-free spaces and legal protections for Canadians who want traditional care at the end of life.

Often, in the therapy room, I ask clients about their family, and draw something called a genogram map. Part of my therapeutic framework is that we are influenced, shaped, wounded, loved, delighted in, and healed in our families of origin. As a therapist, families of origin also help me develop a fuller picture of the suffering of the client: their behaviours, thought processes, and ways of being. Internally, I develop more compassion and curiosity towards clients as well. 

I was recently struck by a truth that I read in a blogpost: “To evangelize the culture, we must first see our culture clearly”. There seems to be a parallel here with the above therapeutic practices: when we know where we are and where we stand, we begin to understand ‘the lay of the land’. This awareness will help us figure out more clearly how to move forward. 

The “lay of the land” at the parish level looks something like this: people are coming to church with their Christian significant others having no idea what is going on at Mass. People are sitting in the pews, going out of obligation – not love – for maybe 20+ years. At my parish, there are people showing up who are yearning to belong to some sort of community. Some are coming after years of religious searching and often asking the question, “what is my purpose in this life?”. Additionally we have broken families, single parents, and single people from countries at war are seeking refuge and freedom. 

Our culture is transitioning. Stores are open on Sundays. Families attending church together on Sundays is out of the norm.The assumption that those who choose to send their kids to Christian or Catholic schools are themselves religious is naught. Christian influence on culture is indeed fading; sometimes considered even an unintelligent way to engage with the world. I remember sitting in my Biological Psychology class where my professor stated publicly that if we were to have religious views of the human person, we would have no place in the world of Psychology. 

From Christendom to Apostolic Mission

The mode where the Christian imaginative vision influences society is called Christendom. We are no longer in this mode; instead, we have moved into something called the Apostolic Mode. I do feel that these separate modes are simply different ways to engage, not disengage. We cannot simply wait passively for Christendom to come back (where the secular vision parallels the Christian vision). 

In the Apostolic Mode, the Christian faith does not play a central role in society; in fact, Christianity feels more costly because it is often considered an outdated or indoctrinated way of thinking.

It was providential that the Archdiocese of Vancouver’s newly formed Mental Health Ministry launched with its new coordinator, Jane Waldock, just as news broke of the tragedy at the Vancouver Lapu Lapu Festival on Saturday, April 26.

“The Church has a place in supporting the mental health of the whole community,” Waldock told The B.C. Catholic, “and that really has been my focus from Sunday morning on.”

In response to the carnage, the Archdiocese quickly published best practices for supporting trauma victims, along with lists of resources for those struggling in the wake of the tragedy. Parishes across the region also held memorial Masses for the deceased.

Beyond the immediate crisis, Waldock said the launch of a mental health ministry is timely. Nearly three in four members of Canadian congregations report either struggling with mental illness themselves or have a close relationship with someone who does.

“There has been a felt need for a long time,” she said. “Pope Francis has said that mental health ministry is essential. The goal is to help all of us be aware of what mental illness is, what supports good mental health, and to overcome the stigma that keeps people from reaching out to our parishes for help.”

The ministry won’t provide therapy but will focus on training parishioners to listen well and to welcome into parish life those facing mental health challenges.

Waldock, who has a background in psychology, is a licensed PRH (Personality and Human Relations) educator. She helped lay the foundations of the ministry alongside Father Brian Duggan, who provides counseling services for the archdiocese and Sister John Mary Sullivan, a licensed family therapist and director for the archdiocese’s Ministry and Outreach office, and felt called to step into the coordinator role as the initiative took shape.

She is also certified as a mental health first aid facilitator and will soon offer a one-day course to equip participants with a basic toolkit for responding to mental health situations—and for maintaining their own mental wellness.

At the institutional level, Waldock hopes to see at least one parish per deanery become a local hub for mental health ministry. These parishes would organize outreach and educational initiatives for surrounding communities.

The ministry’s mission is rooted in three key principles: awareness, accompaniment, and advocacy.

Waldock says the stigma that surrounds mental health and those struggling with it is a core problem. People who need it often won’t seek help because of shame or lack of understanding.

Some of the problems are cultural, and Waldock admits that within the Church, there has been a long-standing, vocal skepticism towards psychologists and psychiatrists. “The formation of a mental health ministry, headed by lay people, goes a long way to normalizing mental health care within the local Church,” said Waldock.

It’s been seven years since Fiona Dalton moved to Canada from the United Kingdom to take the position of CEO and president of Providence Health Care, and she still recalls her shock during a tour of Providence sites at how seniors were housed.

She told of seeing a particular Providence hospital’s long-term care unit. “I just felt physically ill,” she said. “This is where we keep our seniors? We look after people and this is their home? In a space where there are four people in one room and it’s not even big enough to have your own wardrobe with your own clothes in?’”

Dalton shared the memory in her remarks at a May 30 blessing for the start of construction of the $207 million St. Vincent’s Heather Long Term Care Home in Vancouver. Excavation is scheduled to begin this summer, with the 13-storey 240-bed home expected to open in late 2028.

Dozens of Providence staff, First Nations representatives, construction representatives, and guests gathered for the ceremony, with Archbishop Richard Smith taking part in one of his first public functions since being installed two weeks earlier.

A unifying theme ran through speakers’ remarks: the Indigenous and religious history that had brought everyone together for the blessing, and the care, dignity, and connecting of generations that will be emphasized at the new residence.

Dalton recalled how seniors suffered so badly during the pandemic. The physical environment in which seniors were kept was “not good enough for the people that I love,” she said. “That means it’s not good enough for anyone.”

It became apparent to Providence “that we collectively need to do something better,” she said. “We knew that it would be easy for the world to kind of move on after the pandemic and have other priorities, but this would remain a priority for us.”

The priority of care and compassion is the same one that religious sisters brought to health care, said Paul Brown, chair of the Providence Health Care Society.

Brown noted that the First Nations ground awakening ceremony that began the site blessing “reminds us of the sacredness of this land, the importance of relationship, and the responsibilities we carry as we begin this work,” said Brown.

“The legacy of Catholic health care in Canada is a testament to the dedication of religious women who provided compassionate service to those in need long before the establishment of our universal health care system,” he said. The Sisters of Charity of the Immaculate Conception from New Brunswick played a key role in founding the original St. Vincent’s Hospital in the 1930s, he said, on the same site where the new residence will be built.

A father is the scaffolding around the growing structure of his child.

I first heard this analogy from Dr. Maria Fedoryka in the Humanum video series. She explained that while a mother’s genius is to create a space for a child to exist with unconditional acceptance, a father’s genius is to be “scaffolding,” — the “solid structure within which a person can flourish.”

My father was a tall, solid man who was often happy and sometimes scary (6’4” with an Irish temper). When I rode on his shoulders, I felt fearful, but also in awe. Being lifted that high gave me a new perspective. Fathers push security boundaries to encourage children to reach further, discover more, and venture beyond comfort. When kept in check, those “scary” qualities comfort children and assure them their father is in control.

As I grew older, my father’s structure was still there for me but in new ways. When I was a young adult, we fought about my curfew and I rashly moved out with a university classmate. My father let me know he did not agree with my decision (he was right about that — I moved home two months later), but when he visited my apartment, he brought a toolbox he’d put together for me and he patched up all the holes in the walls. He left me the toolbox. His support was love.

A child observes what his father has built his life on. He sees the very person of the father as a model of how to live. That is why, when the child gets older and recognizes the father’s faults, he may be devastated, thinking that everything he believed was false.

In reality, the father does not make the scaffolding intentionally. He does not carefully erect it by teaching the child to do certain things which are helpful and then to avoid others that are not. The father, in fact, IS the scaffolding. Not just what he wants to present to the child, not just what he wants to teach the child, not what he gives the child or what he says to the child, but his entire being (personality, character, body, actions) forms the structure within which a child flourishes — or struggles.

When young, the child stands inside this scaffolding, observing its construction, beauty or ugliness. This structure answers, for good or for bad, all the child’s big questions: Does life have guiding principles? What’s worth caring about? What is a man? How should I treat others? Whether intentionally or not, the father provides answers through his person. The child makes life decisions based on these observations.

Masculinity provides this gift, states Fedoryka.